It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
