fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
