So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
