call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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