Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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