why didn't you poke me back
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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