new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
