Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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