About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
