you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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