If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
