just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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