Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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