Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
