dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
