My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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