Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
