i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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