My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
