I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
