I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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