this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
