True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
