I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
