Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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