I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
did i just pee glitter
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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