Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
