I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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