TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
