Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
