I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
