I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
