Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
