i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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