Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
