You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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