OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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