I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
