dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
