Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
