I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
