FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
