I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just tell him i said nine months
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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