I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
