I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
