Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
