k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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