Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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