Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
