Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just made my gag reflex go away.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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