im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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