sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
