She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
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I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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