In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
