Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
