I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
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There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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