Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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