After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
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I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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