I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
