areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Don't make out with my wife yet
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
