i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
