Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
