brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
