he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
