Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
