Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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