My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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