i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
