I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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